Pressing On

This has been a difficult week. My last post had Randy and I in the middle of a wonderful conference. Saturday night I received a phone call that a birthmother that I have been working with for the last several months had gone into labor. The next morning I received a phone call that there had been severe complications from a c-section and that she was dying. The baby was healthy but his mother was not going to make it through the day. I went quickly to the hospital. By the time I was there, she was no longer responsive. The nurse said it was possible that she could still hear. I had seen pictures of the baby and I told her how beautiful he was. I told her she had done a wonderful thing by making a plan for this baby's life and that we would do everything possible to make certain that her wishes for him were fulfilled. I found myself with my hand on her forehead praying for peace and mercy. She passed away Sunday evening. In the days that have followed there has been great grief and shock and diverse reactions as to what should happen now. My heart is heavy and I am tired. I love my job and I am thankful for the provision that comes through it. I love being in a position to minister hope and to be light in the darkness. Even so, today I find myself wrestling and striving to find the energy to press on. I know the Lord will renew me tomorrow but this is where I am today.